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21 July 2010

When Does it End?!?!?!?!


It has been over a year && a half since I left my ex fiance cause he gave me to his friend for Christmas no lie!!! Christmas Eve 2008 myself,my fiance at the time,my close friend,her old man && my ex's best friend were all over at my house everyone was drinking including me but I was the most sober one out of all of us. Well before I even began drinking everyone was handing me money wanting me to go to the liquor store well Brandy had to use the Explorer cause she was on call,I drove the Nissan all the time so I wanted to drive Josh's truck && he told me go for it the keys were in it just be careful. Well Micah(my now ex) got mad cause Josh told me I could take his truck! Love the truck its a 2002 Dodge Ram with pipes! When I got back we had music in the Explorer playing cause it had a good system in it well we were all having a good ole time dancing && an what not well Micah kept telling me to show Josh what I was working with && to show him my pussy an all this other shit I heard this for 5 hours && telling Micah NO for 5 hours I got sick of it. Micah kept telling me to go have sex with Josh cause he knew no matter what I said he claimed he knew I would sleep with his best friend after I told him I was engaged to his stupid ass not Josh && what not. Well 5am rolled around I told Micah to go to bed cause he had family gatherings to attend Christmas morning that I wasn't invited to. Well when Micah was walking out the door to leave I was walking out getting in Josh's truck && going home with him on Christmas morning! Well lets just say that was one of the BEST Christmas' ever!! I brought Josh home to have Christmas dinner with my family cause well his mom was at work && that is the only family he has around here. December 26th me && Brandy went to shoot pool an Josh an I was texting back && forth an I asked him point blank where he wanted things with me an him to go && he said I want you to be mine so I dropped Micah he wasn't good for me anyways. We were together almost 2 years an it was pure hell his family hated me && he always threw my medical problems in my face an he started getting to the point that when he would get mad at me he would hit things so I knew it wasn't long before he started hitting on me. NOT Happening I do NOT think so, 


Last June when I got with my now husband I found out that Micah had sent my full body sexual pictures to a 17 year old little boy. These were FULL body shots including my face that he emailed this kid! I told Tony about it when I found out he was pissed && so was my sister. When my sister && I went over to his house he wasn't home so I had my cousin come get me && I drove to his house his dad was home but wouldn't answer the door. Micah come up with a friend of his && was like I didn't do that an blah blah blah!  Well he finally admitted to it an all an he said he did it cause he was mad at the world && I was the easiest person to take it out on. What the Fuck!!! That is alright though I found out that he is a closet case queer an that he is on a transy website!!! He was looking for a butt buddy hahahahahaha!!! Fucking closet case like his dad!!!


Well the other week he went an told my tattoo artist that I moved already to Arizona what the hell my husband is in New Mexico!! Micah claims he has talked to me recently when I haven't talked to that moron in forever! He requested what use to be my best friend of 23 years on facebook she denied it then he sent another one so she accepted it well he was asking her about me && asked if I was with anyone. Guess he hasn't got the memo that I am MARRIED!!! Then he proceeds to tell her that he needed to tell her something an she asked what he flat out said I love you to her. Then I was talking to one of the girls I graduated with she is married with 2 kids && I guess fag boy IMed her the other day confessing his crush on her since the 9th grade && that he still has it like she gives a damn. She IMed me && was like OMG! I said what she said you will never guess who just confessed their crush on me since 9th grade an still has it. I said Micah...She said how in the hell did you know I said oh cause he is going around confessing his love to all my friends.


Seriously it has been over a year && a half STOP asking about me && running your fucking mouth you wanna know about my life come to me an ask me not going around asking everyone else who doesn't know a whole hell of alot about my life!! Get the fuck over me!!!
19 July 2010

I No Longer Claim Her...

I am no longer claiming my sister!! She has her priorities && life really fucked up!! My mom had to be rushed to the emergency room on Friday night due to a constant burning in her throat,shortness of breath,chest pains && was disoriented! I call said "sister" 10 times or so before heading out the door to her house to let her know mom was in the hosptial cause lord forbid you don't tell her anything she gets pissed!! I get to her house she isn't even home so I thought well maybe she is at her mother-in-laws house swung by there she wasn't there either. I talked to her sister-in-law who said that Misty had not been by there well I asked when the last time she heard from her was cause mom was in the hospital she said she had just talked to my sister's husband && he said they were at home. Well I in turn told her that they aren't home the truck isn't there. Connie called my brother-in-law's cell phone he didn't answer she called Misty's phone she didn't answer so Connie was trying to text Misty && WOW Misty calls her back but yet she can't call her own sister who we share the same DNA && Flesh an Blood?!? That it fucked up on more levels then one if you ask me she has ALWAYS put her now husband her then boyfriend's family before her biological family. When I told Misty what was going on she said mom seemed fine when I was there earlier she was cohearent && everything she heard everything I was saying an acted as if she understood everything that came out of my mouth. Well hello you dumb  bitch you were just trying to find out if MY mom could get you a FREE voucher since she is disabled && recieves government assistance to get you fucking dog's nuts chopped off! What a conversation.

Then she asked me if my laptop was charged && if she could use it I told her NO it was dead! Yeah it was a lie but who gives a fuck NOT me!!! It is MINE && I do NOT have to share my ex bought me the computer I am sorry that Misty && her husband can spend $2,000 on a gun instead of buying something useful in the home. I told Misty to go get on mom's computer granted its a piece of shit but the dumb bitch couldn't operate myspace for the longest so I know she isn't going to be able to use Limewire && burn a CD without fucking up my computer which I don't need!! My computer is like my cell phone it is my life line. Around last Wednesday she was suppose to comeover to make wedding CDs for a mutual friend of our's but it is Misty's best friend well she never showed up so I called her an asked when she planned on coming over she said I will be there Friday I told her I was more then likely not going to be home on Friday && she said I will comeover Saturday then. I was like well if I don't leave on Friday I know for sure I won't be home on Saturday she was like ugh fine I will be over on Monday cause I need to get this shit done! I again told her I was NOT going to be home not sure how many times I must tell the bitch that to get it through her head. Misty got pissed && said well where the fuck are you going && when are you fucking coming home? Well for one its none of her concern,for 2 I am 23 years old Free && Married so I have no one to answer to but myself && God. I told her I would be gone for a week cause I was baby sitten for a friend while they are on vaction. She got pissed off. It isn't my job to make the wedding CDs I was not the one Mandi asked to do them she asked Misty to.

Also when me && Anthony got married she was suppose to help plan the wedding,Bridal Shower && Reception but bailed on me so I got NOTHING but a cheap rinky dink wedding which I am thankful I even had that even though I used my $200 in foodstamps to get our wedding cake an food for the reception. My dad bought fried chicken while my mom && I prepared other things like monkey bread,sweet && sour meatballs,cocktail weiners,drinks && much more. Misty also tried getting me to use her cake topper which is NOT my style by any means cause I didn't have to DRAG my husband down the aisle he was willingly marrying me, Where are Misty had to wait 10 years && had a 7 year old daughter by her now husband an even then he said she wasn't marriage material && would NEVER marry her. Her cake topped was the one of the Bride dragging the Groom down the aisle. She also wanted me to use some coblets that were given to her in a gift basket && wanted me to use her cake cutter set! I wanted MY OWN!! She wanted to recycle her decorations for my wedding as well. Our colors were way different so there is no way in hell I could use her decorations. I made my own with things I found at the Dollar Tree an they turned out cute. My daddy bought me my cake cutter set,veil && tieara!! I had called Misty the same night my dad took me to Wal*Mart to get last minute items to see if she could bring somethings she had that I was willing to use she told me she had no gas in the truck but yet my dad found her at Wal*Mart! She is a lying ass BITCH!! She threw a Bridal Shower for her Best Friend at my house if you ask me that is pretty much rubbing it in my face so I am OVER her.

They spend their money everywhere BUT where it is SUPPOSE to be spent. So when they are low on food she comes over && says well I am not sure what we are going to do for dinner cause we have no money && no food. Hoping that we will give her food out of our pantry && freezer all because we get foodstamps! She gets pissed cause she can't get foodstamps well hello hunnie your husband makes $500 to $1000 a week depending on where he is working an the hours. That is why they can't get food stamps. I get them cause my husband only makes $233.98 a month since he is ONLY National Guard right now && my mom is disabled an get less then $700 a month we can't barely get things paid for an what not. Ugh that bitch just pisses me off!!!!!!!!!!!1
15 July 2010

An Explosion of Laundry

WOW I never knew exactly how much laundry let alone clothes that I have. I mean I have so many clothes that I can litteraly go 3 months with out washing clothes cause all I where at home is T-Shirt && Panties. I have jeans,shorts,skorts,skirt && capris out the whaaazoo. I enjoy buying cute clothes but HATE wearing them hahaha makes alot of sense doesn't it?!?!?! I have done about 6 loads of laundry && still have about 2 more to go of just clothes!!! Then I have sheets && blankets to wash that is about another 6 loads HOLY HELL!!! I am going to be up to my head in laundry!!!! :c))

A little more about me I am the youngest of 4! I have 2 half brothers somewhere in this world that my mom had. My mom gave them up for adoption right after birth. I know some would ask why have more kids if you already put 2 up for adoption?!?! Well this was in the 80s when enter racial dating was looked down upon big time && at that time my mom didn't have the means to raise them so for the best interest of the boys she gave them up for adoption. I have no clue where they are,I don't know their names let alone what they look like. Even if I wanted to try && locate them it would be hard to find them cause I know NOTHING about them. Plus I am not sure that my mom would want me to go out an find them.

I have been denied by my biological father my whole life!! From the time my mom concieved me to the time I was born she was told by the "Sperm Donor's" mother that there was NO WAY in hell that I was his kid because he got shot in the groon && was told that he couldn't have anymore kids. I know I have several half siblings that I know nothing about other then one. An well he is just like his father in && out of jail an prision his whole life. I have been told that the "Sperm Donor" had another son that I believe lived in Illinois && was killed in a hotel fire. I don't know much of my biological family other then on my mom's side which is fine by me cause like I said I was always denied as his child.

I have a step dad who even though my mom && him are now divorced he is my daddy he has had me since I was 10 months old!!! FYI any BOY can donate sperm but it takes a REAL MAN to be a daddy!! No I didn't get glitz && glamour as a child as some of the kids I went to school with did. I got clothes from Wal*Mart or Outlet Stores && shoes from Payless an Wal*Mart I was picked on alot in school because of the clothes I wore because my parents couldn't afford the Name Brand shit. I was always called fat && everything else in the book from Kindergarden up until I Graduate High School in May 2005. My mom && dad did the best they could raising my sister && me with what little money my dad made an brought in the home. My parents NEVER drove new cars that had all the works like many other kids parents did so I was also picked on about that especially in elementary school. I swear that elementary school was the worst years of my school years due to the fact that when I was in kindergarden I was of course short && I rode the school bus with my sister && our neighborhood friends well this black kid had his foot across the aisle so I couldn't get by && he wouldn't move it he told me to step over it! When I tried my short little legs didn't make it I ended up stepping on his leg so in turn he slapped me in the middle of my back as hard as he could I flew down the aisle. My sister && Matt jumped on the boy && started beating the hell out of him it took my mom getting on the bus to get them off of him. Of course the bus driver did nothing to the black kid but wrote us all up && we got suspended off the bus an low an behold the bus driver was black go figure!!! My mom went to the school && the boys hand print was embetted in my back. I also had to deal with people talk shit about my mom cause she had grey hair an what not so people would tell me my mom was fat && old. The bus rides through out the years of being in elementary school were tramtizing or horrid. When my mom would come pick me up from the bus stop she would always have an after school snack for me && the little black kids on the bus would throw shit into our car trying to knock the stuff out of my mom's hands an again they never got in trouble. Middle school wasn't all that bad I had several people tell me how fat && ugly I was an what not but not as bad as when I was in elementary school. High School I had several arguements && fights with who else the black people all because I was white,fat,ugly && whatever other reason they gave to jump in my shit. I got to the point to where I would stand up for myself && not fear what was going to happen an well alot of the bastards left me alone. I just don't get some people && I may never know why they treated me the way they did but in the end God will get them for everything wrong they ever did to me or anyone else for that matter.

Just a Few of My Thoughts

Well I am not new to blogging by any means just new to the whole blogger thing. I figured I would start this account to have a place for my thoughts to go whether people read this && comment or not atleast its one less thing on my mind once I get all my thoughts out whether they are good,bad or ugly. I am only 23 years old but have been through alot in my short time here in this wonderful world. I have almost lost my mom several times which is something I wouldn't wish upon any child it is a hard thing to deal with. I have had many failed relationships in which I can thank my lucky stars for the lust I thought was love && the pain  of the abusive relationships I have been in coming to an end! Those things have helped turn me into the woman I am today. I am strong because at some point I have been weak. Through all the hard times I thought I would NEVER make it through I did && now I am a stronger person because of it. I really don't have trust in men because of my past. I was 17 when I lost my virginity not by my own free will either that was one of the hardest things I have endured. I have been engaged several times but they all failed but with out them failing I would have never met my husband. I was engaged at 18 && a Senior in High School but that came to an end do to cheating,I was engaged again at 20 but that came to an end when I was beat on && was verbally abused by my fiance at that times family. I then got out of that relationship an went right into another which I thought would have been my fairytale I was hoping for after chasing the guy for 8 years we FINALLY ended up together. Everything seemed so amazing but that didn't last long his family hated me,I was know as the physco,my boyfriend at the time was told he could do so much better then me an that he deserved so much more. His mom was a two faced bitch that I hated but dealt with her because I thought I loved her son && wanted to spend the rest of my life with him boy was I wrong && I am glad that it came to an end. Alot went on to make the 1 year && 8 month relationship come to an end he got verbally abusive && tried pushing me off on to my tattoo artist!! Seriously WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? You are suppose to love me but yet you tell me to go have sex with another man. Don't think the idea wasn't pondered upon because well my ex had a little dick && couldn't last more then 5 minutes in the sack sadly he was 21 years old. The final straw with that relationship was Christmas Eve 2008 when we had some friends over && he pushed me off onto his best friend telling me to go have sex with him an to show him what I was working with. After hearing the same shit over && over again for 5 hours or so I did end up going home on Christmas morning with his best friend due to the fact that I wasn't invited to the family functions with his family that morning && my family wasn't doing dinner or anything til that night. I brought his best friend home with me for Christmas with my family because the only family he had was his mom && she was working so I felt bad that he was going to spend the holiday alone. Last June almost July I found out that my ex had sent my nude && sexual pictures to a 17 year old boy not just body shots but from head to toe including my face. The little fucker  denied it then when he finally admitted to it he said he was mad && I was the easiest target known to man cause I have mental problems I suffer from depression,I am bipolar,suicidal && have unidentified personality disorders. I to found out that he is a closet case fag && I have pictures to prove it. I just do NOT get why I had to go through so much in such a short time but now I am living life && enjoying it with my husband even though we do have our problems but what relationship && marriage doesn't?!?!?

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