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20 November 2010

Time for a MUCH Needed Update

Where oh where should I begin with this one?!?!?!?!

1.)Let's say I am VERY fed up with the moron my husband has been living with for the past almost 9 months!! He is ALWAYS trying to voice his opinion or put his 2 cheap ass cents in on what me an Tony are deciding to do with OUR marriage an OUR life!! The other day Gordon was running his mouth about Tony needed to think Like a Soldier NOT a ninny cause Tony wanted to go to bed since he had to be at work the next morning an I told Tony to ask Gordon what he knew about being a Soldier since Gordon hasn't passed a PT test since 2007!!! An he got kicked of the boarder patrol because of his weight an NOT being able to pass a PT test well guess Gordon was listening super hard cause he follows up with tell your fatass wife she needs to loose weight. I got flamming fucking pissed!! Tony was very pissed as well I laid in bed an cried myself to sleep that night. Gordon tries to tell Tony what to do an when to do it an that he spends too much time talking to me. I am his wife so of course he is going to talk to me!! Gordon is just pissed cause he can't go AD an his life is shitty cause he cheated on his wife an is pretty much loosing the chance to see his daughter we will just say Karma took over there. Not to mention Gordon is now movin 9 hours away from where him && Tony are living now in Alamogordo to Angel Fire which means if Tony were to move with him (if he could that is) he would have to quit his job because there is NO WAY in hell we could afford that drive back an forth to work. Tony can't move with Gordon who was suppose to be his battle buddy an help him out while he was out there but he keeps fucking us in all the wrong ways I might add he is moving up there to be with a girl he was cheating on his wife with so Tony can't go. Plus with the move if Tony could go would put him about 8 hours from his Recruiter.
Last night I guess before Tony went to bed Gordon was talking to him an was trying to tell Tony to force me into moving out to Alamogordo! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? New Mexico has NOTHING for me or Tony! Tony told Gordon there was no way in hell I would move out there unless Tony had orders for us to be out there from the ARMY other then that it would be a cold day in hell before I moved out there. Tony said if I go home we will live with my in-laws (my parents) til we can get our feet under us,Gordon proceeds with you an your wife (I am never referred to by my name with Gordon) need to get out from under her parents ass! It can only last so long before they kick you out an tell you to get on your feet! I asked Tony I said um how the fuck does Gordon thing you got out to New Mexico?!?! Not our money cause we didn't have any MY dad paid for his plane ticket. Tony went on to explain to Gordon that both my parents are disabled so there for if ther needed something done that they couldn't do themselves or I couldn't do that he could do it. For every reason Tony gave to come home an live at my parents Gordon had a reason not to live with them his last reason was oh your marriage won't last everyone I know who has lived with their in-laws they didn't last. My parents love me an my husband so there is NO problem there.

2.)The ARMY is seriously killing me slowly an with that I am NOT lying. My hair is falling out,I don't sleep,I keep headaches an cry more then I should. We keep getting more an more bad news so with that being said I spoke to an Active Duty ARMY Recruiter on Wednesday an he is the one we were trying to work with when Tony moved down here last year an he is beyond PISSED because almost 9 months later (since Tony has been in NM) but pretty much almost a year later Tony still isn't AD or home with his family. His unit can't do shit right an his Recruiter fucking blows as well. Praying for some kind of good news on Monday if he can't go Active he said he is putting in for another IST volunteering to Deploy an Join up with the Florida National Guard! I don't want him to deploy we have already been apart 8 an half months of our 10 an half months that we have been married but like he said it will support us an give me time to get a car an pay off some bills as well as save money.

3.)My sister's mother in law died last week an yes I am talking about this sister I could care less about cause she doesn't give a fuck about anyone but herself!! She was here yesterday an I woke up to my niece bouncing off the walls so I got up an chatted a bit not important stuff. Well my sister an my niece seen the box my Cricut came in an was asking what it was an all that so I turned it on an showed my niece what it did an I told her if her mom would bring her over while she was out of school next week we could use it an do some crafts like make cards an stuff to send over to the Troops an all that. My sister surprisingly is bringing my niece over to spend time with me!! I think reality FINALLY slapped her in the face the no one lives forever even though we wish they did. So I am looking forward to that.

4.)OMG I have been going to my cousin's to babysit Sunday && Monday of every week an this week was my second week babysitten an can we say 2 sleep deprived women who haven't had sex in almost a year or longer we seem to leave our minds in the gutter. We also hear them sublimental messages they say are in kids movies an shows. Hahahaha an our road trip talks Holy WOWZA is all I can say an the chat with Mr. Talking Tom Cat on my phone in the kitchen hahahahaha You just had to be there to get it.

5.)Treats 4 Troops has kicked off an is doing really well for only being up an going for a month an half it will be 2 months on November 27th! I have sent out 7 care packages so far an around 50 Christmas Cards!! WhooHoo. I have had TONS of donations but hoping to get a steady stream of things coming in so I can get boxes out each month atleast 5 a month is what I am aiming for so wish me luck there.

I believe that is about all I have to share at the moment :)
17 October 2010

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

So yesterday morning I woke up to my bullie baby raising emortal HELL && I didn't know why til she jumped out of bed an ran to the front door. I heard a knock I looked out the peep hole but couldn't see who was at the door so I barely openned it as I was not dressed to be openning the door && DD was trying to get out the door. Just as soon as I open the door I see to ladies standing there I was woke up out of a dead sleep by all this growling && a barking so I am NOT even seeing straight. One of the ladies said "We are from the Word Of Life" I cut her off knowing exactly what she wanted to talk about I told I wasn't interested!! I went to shut the door but of course the Bullie HAD to be nosey an see who was at her house. So with this lady trying to talk && the dawg growling I am thinking to myself NOT today. I told them again I wasn't interested!!! I was polite as could be about then they wanted to ask me "If you were to die today do you believe you would go to Heaven?" I wanted to say are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? I said "Yes!" Then they asked me how did I think that I was going to Heaven SERIOUSLY && you call yourself a Christian???? Maybe that is why I stay away from them. I said well I ask for forgiveness && I read the Bible at home on my own time you don't have to go to church to go to Heaven. Then they were like well can we talk to you some  more I told them no I didn't even want to hear what they had to say to begin with!! Then they are like well is there anything that we can pray with you about right now?? No.....Slam...

Seriously why is it that mainly Jehovist Witnesses && Christians go around trying to "Sell" or "Push" their religion onto people when it says in the Bible that you aren't suppose to?? I don't think I have EVER had a Baptist or a Catholic come to my front door trying to get us to come to their church that is one thing that will NEVER sit right with me
15 October 2010

NEVER Being NICE Again-Read On

Never in a Million years will I ever be the nice guy again! It gets me no fucking where. The little ungrateful bitch who was living here with myself && my disabled parents no longer resides here. My mom was in the hospital for almost a week well Tasha thought it was okay NOT to pay rent even though my mom wasn't home. When my mom got home she asked for the rent an the little bitch replies with I don't have it in a very rude way. My mom blew it off the following day before Tasha left for work my mom asked her for the rent money she tells my mom I DO NOT HAVE IT!!! My mom asked where it was she said IN THE BANK an then slammed the door. Well we had money turn up missing an Tasha had drained her savings she asked my mom on Sunday how much money she had saved up an my mom told her she had no savings that she spent it all she had been very rude to my mom an that is a NO GO I texted the bitch an asked her what her issue was she said NO ONE is going to tell her she spent all her money an that if money came up missing why didn't we say anything to her. Hello it is really hard to talk to someone who always has their phone in their hand,ear phones in their ears or only comes home long enough to shower && sleep. She said that we stold from her an she was moving out that she would be by after work on Sunday to get her stuff. Well my dad met her on the front porch told her to sit down they needed to talk he said my wife just got out of the hospital a few days ago an you want to be rude an act a fool that is NOT happening in my house. She said well I am moving out an tried coming inside my dad told her she wasn't getting a damn thing til she turned over her phone to him (its in Anthony's name) she said that is NOT happening my dad well it will be turned off by Tuesday && she said we will fucking see about that well that just pissed my dad off even more an Monday morning he had me up at 9am an at the T-Mobile store shutting the phone off.

Wednesday my mom && I went grocery shopping an came home to a note stuck in the door that read I came to get my stuff you can text me at 863-279-2222 I was like hold the fuck up we turned that number off!! I told my mom had to go to T-Mobile right then an there cause that number is attached to Anthony's account even though its a disconnected line incase we want to reactivate it so its on our account for 90 days. I went to T-Mobile an let's just say an hour in the store && the store rep on the phone we ended up at the Fraud Department. Basically the Coorprate T-Mobile call center did things out of procedure!! So her phone got turned off again. I was sitten there talking with my mom an I get another text from the same damn number I told my mom going back to T-Mobile. I was sitten in the car when my dad pulled up he asked my mom where I was headed she said T-Mobile my dad said well I will be back she doesn't need to be up there incase the bitch shows up cause my parents know I would knock her fucking block off!! My mom said NO just stay home things will be fine. No sooner do I turn into the parking lot the bitch an her pregnant sister are walking across the parking lot to go into T-Mobile. I parked the care walked in an she started yelling you turned off my fucking phone you bitch you had no right I have a prepaid phone now. I tried explaining to her what T-Mobile told me an the instore Rep I was working with. Tasha wasn't having it well there was a customer before us an Damion the one who got the phone turned off both times was there an said if the arguing continued in his store he would have to call the cops I told Damion I was like I am NOT here to argue. Can I please speak with you when you are done with the gentleman you are helping now he said yes Ma'am well when he was done with the other guy the bitch started in again, I looked a Damion an asked him to explain to her what happen an why she couldn't have that number even if she ported it in from another company when we added her to our plan an even though it was turned off. She said she called T-Mobile Prepaid an that was the number they gave her! BULLSHIT Damion asked if they gave her a temporary number she was stumbling over her words her nutcase sister had to answer for her. Damion said then what happen with that number she said I told them I want my number back an they gave it to me Damion said that was all out of procedure && they weren't aloud to do that she went to screaming an all this other shit. I looked at Damion smiled said thank you that is all I needed an walked out the door.

When I got home I threw her shit out in the middle of the yard an my dad was moving an grass was blown all over her shit!!! She brought my phone back it has a few dings but I am trying to sell it so I can either use the money to pay my dad back or to use for the Treats 4 Troops project! I have 2 people interested in buying the phone its a $400 phone. This week has been flat out fucking NUTS that is the only way I can expain it. 
12 October 2010

Just Signed Up to be a Toy Tester!!!!

So while doing some research online I came across this site that said "Become a Toy Tester" Hell FREE Toys send them my way I am a lonely ass ARMY Wife who could use one right now. So I submitted my request && I am hoping to hear back from them VERY SOON!! Ahh I am kind of EXCITED about this since I have been with my husband I haven't really been too much into using my sex toys but I mean come on 7 months an counting with NO sex an maybe not even 3 toy play sessions. I have needs && as much as I would prefer to be having sex with my sexy as husband I have to turn to an alternative. So Toy Testing I have my Bat ready so Start Pitching Balls. Lmao love the pun Bat && Balls ;)



05 October 2010

Not Sure What to Title This......

Please bare with me I have been going through alot of stuff the past few days an it is ALOT to take in. Had to rush my mom to the hospital on Sunday night an she is still in there she has Congestive Heart Failure :( an it is acting up BIG time she can't come home til ALL the fluid is off her legs an lungs. Everything else checks out OKAY!! My friend Amanda just had a baby on Monday I was going to go see her last night but wasn't feeling to good just feverish an "ONE" of those feelings. Today I needed to take some papers up to DCF to fax them to continue to keep my foodstamps til Anthony is Active. My mom ended up wanting some stuff from the house an since I was going to be up in the area I took it to her an wanted her to read over the papers I needed faxed. I went an seen Amanda,Robert && their new son Waylon. Let me tell you Waylon is one cutie that will steal everyone's heart. While sitting there chatting amongst ourselves Amanda gets a text from her BFF saying that she couldn't come see Amanda tonight that Matt was in the hospital on live Support. When Amanda said that I was like well what hospital is he at? She more then likely here well come to find out it is a guy I was close to in school I bailed his ass out of so much shit it isn't even funny! Well I was in Shock about it so I when I was done chatting with Amanda && Robert I went back down to my mom's room an was chatting with her telling her about the text an how me an Matt were close an all. You could say I was in disbelief that I needed to hear it from the hospital myself I asked one of the RNs if they could see if he was in the hospital && she told me she couldn't cause of the HIPPA law which I understand she told me to call ext:1200 which is patient information I asked if he was in there an I was told yes he is in TRAUMA Care ICU. Well he is on Life Support the doctors give him 3 days :( I say that Matt will BEAT the odds he is STUBBORN as hell. The last update I got was a few hours ago an that was that Matt was ran over while riding a bicycle infront of the CVS that is not even 5 minutes from my house. I have no other information other then that I am waiting to see if there is anything in the local paper about it. So today within itself was a MAJOR emotional roller coaster.


I would have been starting college in 6 days if the bitch that is suppose to be my friend wouldn't have pulled her truck out from under me. She had the balls to text me last night an tell me that she was staying with Serena cause her mom wasn't doing to good well guess what mine isn't either mine is in the HOSPITAL her's is at home tell me who is worse off. Well Tasha comes home this morning an woke me an my bullie up she said that Serena's mom tried to kill herself last night by drinking an Overdosing on her meds. Come on that is her fault not something that just happens. I mean I was there for all sorts of shit for Tasha but she can't be there for me?!?!? Well she told me that she was going to gone from the 29th to the 31st because she is going to Clewiston to see her Biological Father (she was adopted at like 4 years old) mind you she doesn't want her truck driven far distances but yet she is driving 3 hours or so to go see him to go mud bogging an camping.


I am so beyond people fucking rubbing it in my face that they have money they can go buy this an buy that!! They can go here an go there but I can't cause I am BROKE an nobody wants to hang out with the broke girl. I didn't know you had to have money inorder to have friends. I mean seriously What The Fuck is wrong with this picture. I understand that things cost money but you can have a good time just hanging out an talking an what not without spending a damn dime. Even when I TRY to pay for or buy things I need or want they tell me no they have it an what not an when I say I don't want to owe you a damn thing they say oh well its a favor you won't owe me anything that is what friends do for eachother. Hello friends are also there for you when you need it to!! A TRUE friend also does NOT kick you when you are down either!! They are there to help pick you up but somehow I don't have that an the ones I have are MILES away but sadly enough the ones who are there for me an are miles away I haven't even met them I have ONLY talked to them on forums,myspace,facebook,yahoo,skype,phone && texts an somehow they care about me more then the people I know here in real life who I have met. Sad I know.

I am trying to get the negative OUT && POSITIVE in so tonight starts with me reading Psalms && Proverbs an I will post each Verse I read on here && on Facebook. I am STRONG because I have been WEAK. I have been weak cause I know the reality of  life,love,friendship && I have a heart. My heart I often where on my sleeve way too MUCH an that will STOP right here as well. I am DONE being the NICE Amber for a bit it is going to MY way or NO way at all. I give an I give to people who take an take when I barely have anything to give!! I may not have much money but I am THANKFUL && I APPRECIATE EVERY FUCKING THING I HAVE. I don't take life for granted I have seen it snatch away from so many before it was their time in some horrid painful ways. It seems like everytime I turn around one of my classmates is dying or should I say being killed by stupid people who don't think before they act!! An they loose life over the stupidest thing. I know God has a plan for EVERYONE of us! Times I don't agree with them like now I don't agree that Matt should be laying in the hospital on Life Support he is so YOUNG && it is NOT fair.


An I know this is all scattered probably makes no sense to anyone but as long as I get it out I am going to feel a little better. I am listening to my music on Limewire an there are TONS of touching heart breaking songs but they also make you see that things can that can be taken away in a FLASH or a BLINK of an EYE. Just when you think "Oh it CAN'T Happen to me" is usually when it happens. I am so down an funny or sad enough that even though it makes me cry && even more down it kinda puts me at peace. I am Praying for the BEST but preparing for the WORST at the sametime

The 3 year mark of my Pawpaw passing is coming up soon as well :( as my niece's 9th birthday they both fall on November 4th!! Along comes Thanksgiving which I will have more to give Thanks for which was the MAIN Holiday that we celebrated together since my Pawpaw && my mommy's birthday fall on the same day as well. I am dying inside an as sad as it maybe I wish it was me who had went Home instead of my Pawpaw I wish I could have take ALL his pain away. I told my mom when we found out that he had lung cancer I realized I was surrounded by so many people who could use my PERFECT organs. I told my mom if I were to die before her,my Pawpaw,my dad or my sister that they get first dibs on  my organs if I was a match! My Pawpaw my lungs,my mommy my heart,my dad my liver && my siter my kidneys cause my work better then her's. It is sad for a 20 year old to say that an to this day I would still stand by my word!! If the case that a friend or another family member needed my organs they would get picked first to see if I was a match!! That is just how loving an caring I am. I am at the numb stage an just waiting to hear more from Amanda about this condition && hopefully improvements Matt is making. I am really hoping something is posted in the local newspaper so that I can maybe get more answers to the questions I have! I want to know why,when,how.


God I am down on my knees begging you to answer my prayers it is the ONLY place left for me to fall. I am praying for my Mommy who needs your healing touch her heart can't take much more. I am praying that you can touch Matt with the same healing touch but he needs more healing && even more prayers God please answer the prayers everyone is sending up for my mommy && Matt. God I pray that all the children who are battleing the awful Monster of cancer touch them with your healing hand I know that you brought this to me so I KNOW you WILL bring me through it you wouldn't put this on my plate if you knew I couldn't handle it. I am Strong cause at one point I was Weak. In Jesus' Name

Amen
04 October 2010

Blog From !0/3

So this is day number 4 of trying to launch Treats 4 the Troops an so far the outside help of others is looking grim :( Tomorrow I am going to buy the items to make sugar cookies an decorate them for Halloween. My mom is helping me out BIG time she bought 20 tubes of toothepaste I know it seems like alot but really it is only a small amount. Plus my mom is lending me her kitchen lol oh Lord can I make a mess when baking. Also I have a friend Amber who has 2 bags full of items clothes,toys shoes && who know what else she has in the bags && she is siill going through her stuff an her kids stuff as the Holidays approach they are wanting to replace old worn down items that are still in good condition but old an boring to them. I am trying to get this yard sale together an get things together. I mean come on everyone these Men && Women are fighting to keep us safe an free the least we can do is donate a dollar to this cause :D I know there are others who do this but I am taking in people who I may know an others I am sending items to I have NEVER in my life met or talked to. I am a very giving person && I hope that everyone else will want to give as well. I will be taking pictures of the boxes as I put them together,pictures of the cookie making process an so much more so keep your eyes peeled for more information && pictures of what the Military Men/Women will be getting. I am an ARMY Wife HOOAH but I am wanting to reach out to ALL the branches Marines,Navy && Air Force along with the ARMY. They all deserve a little something.

Late Post This is My Blog for 10/3

Well I am not sure where to begin on this one! This week has been complete HELL!!! I am so tired of people thinking they can run over me && my parents. We reach out to help others but yet we are the ones who get FUCKED OVER in the end. We have a so called "friend" of mine living with us but she pay $60 a week an my mom puts $30 up to help Tasha save which is all fine an dandy but when you take back what you are suppose to be saving what's the point when all you do is keep taking it back. This past week Tasha ran out of money so in turn since she withdrew over $160 from her bank account an drained her savings as well that is NOT my problem but damn it do NOT steal from me && my family when we are trying to help you. In the beginning when she moved in she would help around the house like take the garbage out,wash dishes I mean simple tasks come on how hard is it to do fo an able bodied person?!?!?!? She totally ruined my birthday an my change of going back to school anytime soon. She told me I could use her truck to go back an forth to Tampa for school an that she would help pay for gas an what not! I was EXCITED as hell because I was approved for almost $5,000 in a pell grant along with getting Tony's GI Bill through the Military to go back to school. I talked about it an even fucking dreamed about going to school starting my own photography business. The day of my birthday we were suppose to be in Tampa at 1pm Tasha said no biggie I will allow you to take the Truck or we can go together. I went got a shower && got dressed did my hair an was ready to go to the school to view an tour the campus an meet with the Finanacial Advisor. I walked out the door to her telling me I am not trying to bring you down anymore then you already are && know that we love you but I have been thinking about it the past few days an I don't feel comfortable with you taking my truck to Tampa it is old an there is so much wrong with it. It crushed me on my birthday at that to do this to me are you fuckjing kidding. The day went on an it got worse as it got closer to the ti,me to go out to dinner mom told me that dad didn't feel good so he wasn't going to be going out with us :( So me,mom,Tasha && Jessica all went to Apple Bees for dinner well dad offered to send money for my meal but Tasha said she had it!! When the bill came she was pissed off cause it was $42 which wasn't bad for 2 full meals,2 sodas,an appitizer && then I had to HUGE drinks. On the way home she was quite with nothing to say I asked her if she wanted to go to Boots for more drinks an a good night out she said she didn't care that it was up to me cause it was my birthday well I asked if she wanted to go get a movie an we could watch a movie at home. She said I don't have anymore money I am completely broke. I had $20 my dad gave me to out to get my drunk on. I mean its not like I asked her to pay for the stupid movie I was going to pay for it an ever since she has been a royal BITCH I mean seriously get the damn porccupine out of your ass for real there is no need for the major attitude when no one did a damn thing to you. Get pissed cause no one else will do your laundry.cook your meals && your phone bill got raised. Don't get mad at me when you are the one who said you would NOT be using the phone til after 9pm when the minutes were free but now you are using well over a 100 minutes when my husband needs those minutes to deal with Military Business! Then the past few days she has been leaving dishes in the sink,up way passed the time everyone else is,comes home at 2:30am which is getting really fucking old have respect for the people who are disable (my parents) who are usually asleep at that hour. Yesterday my mom && I went shopping as we normally do at the first of the month well we got home an I was bringging in the stuff we had bought in the house an she just sat there an watched me bring it all in cause she was pissed off at me. I had called her 2 different times an she sent me to voicemail then I texted her to remind her to fill her meds && she replies with I will be just fine an I don't have money. SERIOUSLY you just got paid where the hell have you spent all your money I asked where it all went she said I am helping my parents I asked with an she replies with I am not trying to be rude but I hate when people ask what I am doing with my money. I mean it makes no sense that she is helping the same family that pretty much wants nothing to do with her because she is a lesbian that is why she got kicked out of her mom's house cause her parent's don't believe in same sex relationships. I mean my family doesn't judge but be considerate of the people who are trying to help you when your family is trying to kick you when you are down an is more worried about your 20 year old unwedded sister who is pregnant by a 38 year old Meth head. Like this morning I get up eat breakfeast,take my meds && then something just told me to rearrange the living room the way my mom wanted it well Tasha woke up seen me moving shit around but kept walking never offered to help or nothing she went an sat outside on the swing on her phone.






Last night I went to clean the bathroom that only her an I use well I am NOT a nasty person I shower once or twice a day depending on the day but she on the other hand i believe showers every other day or so. I went to clean the bathroom an it was so NASTY!!! There was MAJOR ring around the toilet above the water line for real how in the hell!! I was trying to hard to scrub down everything an used bleach,Fabuloso && some other stuff an the fumes got to me bad I got really lite headed couldn't breath && almost passed out. I went to use my parent's bathroom to get a shower an well their's is broken so you have to work with the nob but I didn't know how to do it but I managed to get a shower. Laundry needs done but why should I have to do my laundry an her's she acts as if we are married an well if that is the case think it is time for a DIVORCE!! I am married to a MAN I like DICK!! Now don't get me wrong alot of of my friends are lesbian or gay. I am so flipping aggervated with this girl && if it was NOT for the fact that Tony is not Active Duty yet she would be gone!!





On to another topic witht he Military && the moron my husband is staying with in New Mexico. The other day Gordon came home an asked Tony if he loved me an he said no lol that is a STUPID question to ask I mean Hello he talks about me all the time an I am his world. Gordon in turn says man I wished I would have recorded that so that I could call Amber an tell her an let her listen to it. Tony said go ahead you will get cussed out an my wife knows when I am being sarcastic. I seriously do NOT like this moron that Tony is staying with but it was the only place in New Mexico he could go to an have a roof over his head. The moron is just pissed cause my husband is going Active Duty ARMY when his fat ass hasn't passed a PT test since 2007 Gordon was on the Border Patrol Mission but he got kicked off!! Wow Karama is a bitch isn't she?!?!?!?!



Good note Tony signed the paperwork to breach the contract with the National Guard && signed the rank reduction papers on Thursday!!! Which means we are one step closer to the Active Duty side!! Thank you Lord for being on mine && Tony's side as there wasn't going to be any Drill weekend for the month of October something about no funds or some BS. But Tony stressed to one of the SFC. that we rely on that money each an every month. So him an another Soldier who took Tony to Drill made so extra cash as well. Wish we could say it was just extra money for us. I am so ready to be able to have a place to call my own with my furniture,my decorations && my style with my husband in bed next to me each an every night that he isn't training or out in the field.



I have also started a Project Treats 4 the Troops an I am so ready to get it off the ground I have a blog that I will blog on everyday. I am doing 3 Halloween boxes an I am so EXCITED to do them. One box is for a girl who is on the MSH Forum that I put together she requested one for her husband,then I am sending one to my friend Holly's husband they are both Deployed :( Then I am going to go to a site called anysoldier.com an get the address to a Female Soldier an send her a box as well. Now these boxes aren't just filled with candy they are also getting the needs like toothbrushes,toothpaste,dental floss,hand sanatizer,tampons an pads for the ladies an so much more!! I have a spot where you can donate money through Paypal that will he with the cost of shipping && putting the items in the boxes. My mom bought 20 tubes of toothpaste today && we are suppose to go get tooth brushes,dental floss && some other items tomorrow. But the shopping for extras all depends on if my mom is out of the hospital right now we are sitten in Critical Care Room #20 mom is in pain an I know she hates coming to the hospital so much but we all know it is in her best interest.





I would really LOVE to get on the internet an post on my other blog,the forum,maintain the other pages I have an hell maybe even play a little Farmville or Yoville or even my Happy Aquriaum. Ahhh the bordem an my phone has NO signal so can't get on the internet with it. Hoping we aren't here forever an a day waiting to find out if they are going to keep her or what they are going to do. Don't get me wrong I love my mom but hospitals is NOT the place I wanna hang out with her at. I mean we do hold interesting conversations no matter where we are at but the monitors an all get really annoying!! Beep Beep Beep......That is all I head other then people breathing. An OMG I know this is going to be TMI but I went to pee an the bathroom stunk so bad like Raspberries an a pile of SHIT. OMG gag me I almost threw up all over the place.
25 September 2010

Why Do I Bother?!?!?!

I often wonder why I TRY to be a good friend an help others out while setting my problems aside. I have come to realize that it gets me nowhere && those who I am being a GOOD friend to in all reality aren't my friends. I have had some chats with a few friends who I know are TRUE friends an I have been advised to let the other loosers walk out the open door!!

Here I have been planning a baby shower for a "friend" of mine's sister an I even did maternity pictures for her. Well I posted some of them on my facebook without her face in them an without her name. I wake up this morning to being bitched at by Tasha cause her cousin Amanda seen the pictures I had up so in turn she called Tasha && Alissa's mom telling her about the pictures. When I woke up Tasha said "You need to get the pictures of Alissa off  your Facebook my mom wants them off there by tomorrow." Seriously what the fuck?!? It is my facebook && there aren't any names or her face in them its just of her baby belly. Well the baby shower is tomorrow an I am the one who is suppose to be baking these cakes again my idea on how to do them an all along with putting together favor boxes. I am the one who did all the invitations,came up with all the games,called around to price out places to have the stupid shower, && so much more an this is what I a getting.

I was suppose to start school on October 11th but now that isn't happening cause well a so called friend fucked me. How can you offer someone your vehicle to use an then pull it out from under them? I just don't get it I have been trying to either go to school or work well most places have them assesment tests that I can never pass even though I answer them based of my manangement training I had. I failed the test 3 times for Winn Dixie so Tasha told me I was going back to school I could use her truck an she would pay for the gas to get me back in forth her idea an her offer NOT mine! I sold a wedding dress I had bought a GPS to find my way back an forth to school && was all EXCITED about going an talked about it nonstop. Come Septemeber 16th when I was suppose to go register for my classes && have a good day considering it was my birthday I was sadly mistaken. Tasha an I got up at like 8ish in the morning so she could finish cleaning out her truck an go to her mom's house for a bit before we headed out to Tampa to enroll me in school. I told her I was going to get a shower && get ready to go this was around 11ish we had to be there at 1pm well I got a shower,did my hair && got dressed walked outside to be told "I don't want to bring you down more then you already are but......I have been thinking the past few days an I don't feel comfortable with you driving my truck back an forth to Tampa its old an I don't want it to break down on you. I acted as if I was okay with it when really I just wanted to cry && scream why??? Don't get my hopes up seriously!! Ruin MY birthday when I did everything in my power to make sure she had a good birthday. 

I mean Tasha lives with me at my mom's pays $60 a week my mom puts $30 back for Tasha an keeps $30 to help with things around the house! Tasha has it easy she doesn't pay for laundry soap,body wash,shampoo or any of that she uses what is already here that my mom buys. Plus,she doesn't have to buy food she gets all that for $120 a month but yet she bitches about having no money!!! Well last week it was that time of the month for her && the past 3 months she has been using MY pads && MY tampons an when I told her the other night I needed her to replace them she says oh well I have 2 boxes of Tampons on my dresser! If that is the case then why they fuck are you using MINE?!?! I know this all sounds petty but fuck when you live off of $234 a month it really matter an adds up to pissing me off. I have to have certain personal care items cause I am allergic to so much stuff.


I am just so ready to get away from here && find new friends an start over with a clean slate.
30 August 2010

WoWzA

Wow it has been awhile since I last blogged been slacking on blogging along with alot of other things as well. Life has been crazy as usual doctors appointments for me,mom && the bestie. I have been trying to keep busy but that doesn't seem to be working at all. I am really wanting to get into doing Photography but its one hurdle after another. I am going to be doing my 2nd photo shoot later on this week hopefully fingers crossed && it is a maternity shoot. I am excited about doing it.

As for the going Active Duty ARMY Tony goes before the MMRB on the 12th of September so we are hoping they clear him fully to go Active. He has already signed his papers to break contract && well that is going to put us in the hole by $4375 cause he has to pay off the rest of his contract/bonus from 2006. That is all fine && dandy we will make it through that just as we have everything else that has been thrown our way in the past year! I still can't believe I have been married almost 9 months WOW where does the time go?? I miss Tony more then ever on some days. I have hit another low point with my mental state of mind but again I will overcome that I am just ready to hear baby I have orders. At the sametime I am so scared that the horrid "D" word of Deployment will end up in this equation && Tony is so worried that he isn't doing the right thing.


I have been so depressed && down the past few weeks some days are worse then others. I am off one of my meds cause I ran out && thought I had refills left I was wrong. But I don't want to rely on meds my whole life. I just openned up to a long time friend that I have been friends with since the 6th grade. She didn't judge which is wow a first! Most people judge me when I am trying to talk it all out. I have been having bad self esteem issues with my weight I keep going up in pants sizes && my face is so horriably broken out. I just feel so UGLY. I have dyed my hair an haven't taken any pictures to post my new look on my facebook cause I am ashamed of how I look. I have black heads galour && sores everywhere cause when I get pimples they never come to a head so they scab over :( I am really hating this I have tried so much to clear up my face.
That is it for now the bestie is on her way home from work now to figure out what is for dinner....
21 July 2010

When Does it End?!?!?!?!


It has been over a year && a half since I left my ex fiance cause he gave me to his friend for Christmas no lie!!! Christmas Eve 2008 myself,my fiance at the time,my close friend,her old man && my ex's best friend were all over at my house everyone was drinking including me but I was the most sober one out of all of us. Well before I even began drinking everyone was handing me money wanting me to go to the liquor store well Brandy had to use the Explorer cause she was on call,I drove the Nissan all the time so I wanted to drive Josh's truck && he told me go for it the keys were in it just be careful. Well Micah(my now ex) got mad cause Josh told me I could take his truck! Love the truck its a 2002 Dodge Ram with pipes! When I got back we had music in the Explorer playing cause it had a good system in it well we were all having a good ole time dancing && an what not well Micah kept telling me to show Josh what I was working with && to show him my pussy an all this other shit I heard this for 5 hours && telling Micah NO for 5 hours I got sick of it. Micah kept telling me to go have sex with Josh cause he knew no matter what I said he claimed he knew I would sleep with his best friend after I told him I was engaged to his stupid ass not Josh && what not. Well 5am rolled around I told Micah to go to bed cause he had family gatherings to attend Christmas morning that I wasn't invited to. Well when Micah was walking out the door to leave I was walking out getting in Josh's truck && going home with him on Christmas morning! Well lets just say that was one of the BEST Christmas' ever!! I brought Josh home to have Christmas dinner with my family cause well his mom was at work && that is the only family he has around here. December 26th me && Brandy went to shoot pool an Josh an I was texting back && forth an I asked him point blank where he wanted things with me an him to go && he said I want you to be mine so I dropped Micah he wasn't good for me anyways. We were together almost 2 years an it was pure hell his family hated me && he always threw my medical problems in my face an he started getting to the point that when he would get mad at me he would hit things so I knew it wasn't long before he started hitting on me. NOT Happening I do NOT think so, 


Last June when I got with my now husband I found out that Micah had sent my full body sexual pictures to a 17 year old little boy. These were FULL body shots including my face that he emailed this kid! I told Tony about it when I found out he was pissed && so was my sister. When my sister && I went over to his house he wasn't home so I had my cousin come get me && I drove to his house his dad was home but wouldn't answer the door. Micah come up with a friend of his && was like I didn't do that an blah blah blah!  Well he finally admitted to it an all an he said he did it cause he was mad at the world && I was the easiest person to take it out on. What the Fuck!!! That is alright though I found out that he is a closet case queer an that he is on a transy website!!! He was looking for a butt buddy hahahahahaha!!! Fucking closet case like his dad!!!


Well the other week he went an told my tattoo artist that I moved already to Arizona what the hell my husband is in New Mexico!! Micah claims he has talked to me recently when I haven't talked to that moron in forever! He requested what use to be my best friend of 23 years on facebook she denied it then he sent another one so she accepted it well he was asking her about me && asked if I was with anyone. Guess he hasn't got the memo that I am MARRIED!!! Then he proceeds to tell her that he needed to tell her something an she asked what he flat out said I love you to her. Then I was talking to one of the girls I graduated with she is married with 2 kids && I guess fag boy IMed her the other day confessing his crush on her since the 9th grade && that he still has it like she gives a damn. She IMed me && was like OMG! I said what she said you will never guess who just confessed their crush on me since 9th grade an still has it. I said Micah...She said how in the hell did you know I said oh cause he is going around confessing his love to all my friends.


Seriously it has been over a year && a half STOP asking about me && running your fucking mouth you wanna know about my life come to me an ask me not going around asking everyone else who doesn't know a whole hell of alot about my life!! Get the fuck over me!!!
19 July 2010

I No Longer Claim Her...

I am no longer claiming my sister!! She has her priorities && life really fucked up!! My mom had to be rushed to the emergency room on Friday night due to a constant burning in her throat,shortness of breath,chest pains && was disoriented! I call said "sister" 10 times or so before heading out the door to her house to let her know mom was in the hosptial cause lord forbid you don't tell her anything she gets pissed!! I get to her house she isn't even home so I thought well maybe she is at her mother-in-laws house swung by there she wasn't there either. I talked to her sister-in-law who said that Misty had not been by there well I asked when the last time she heard from her was cause mom was in the hospital she said she had just talked to my sister's husband && he said they were at home. Well I in turn told her that they aren't home the truck isn't there. Connie called my brother-in-law's cell phone he didn't answer she called Misty's phone she didn't answer so Connie was trying to text Misty && WOW Misty calls her back but yet she can't call her own sister who we share the same DNA && Flesh an Blood?!? That it fucked up on more levels then one if you ask me she has ALWAYS put her now husband her then boyfriend's family before her biological family. When I told Misty what was going on she said mom seemed fine when I was there earlier she was cohearent && everything she heard everything I was saying an acted as if she understood everything that came out of my mouth. Well hello you dumb  bitch you were just trying to find out if MY mom could get you a FREE voucher since she is disabled && recieves government assistance to get you fucking dog's nuts chopped off! What a conversation.

Then she asked me if my laptop was charged && if she could use it I told her NO it was dead! Yeah it was a lie but who gives a fuck NOT me!!! It is MINE && I do NOT have to share my ex bought me the computer I am sorry that Misty && her husband can spend $2,000 on a gun instead of buying something useful in the home. I told Misty to go get on mom's computer granted its a piece of shit but the dumb bitch couldn't operate myspace for the longest so I know she isn't going to be able to use Limewire && burn a CD without fucking up my computer which I don't need!! My computer is like my cell phone it is my life line. Around last Wednesday she was suppose to comeover to make wedding CDs for a mutual friend of our's but it is Misty's best friend well she never showed up so I called her an asked when she planned on coming over she said I will be there Friday I told her I was more then likely not going to be home on Friday && she said I will comeover Saturday then. I was like well if I don't leave on Friday I know for sure I won't be home on Saturday she was like ugh fine I will be over on Monday cause I need to get this shit done! I again told her I was NOT going to be home not sure how many times I must tell the bitch that to get it through her head. Misty got pissed && said well where the fuck are you going && when are you fucking coming home? Well for one its none of her concern,for 2 I am 23 years old Free && Married so I have no one to answer to but myself && God. I told her I would be gone for a week cause I was baby sitten for a friend while they are on vaction. She got pissed off. It isn't my job to make the wedding CDs I was not the one Mandi asked to do them she asked Misty to.

Also when me && Anthony got married she was suppose to help plan the wedding,Bridal Shower && Reception but bailed on me so I got NOTHING but a cheap rinky dink wedding which I am thankful I even had that even though I used my $200 in foodstamps to get our wedding cake an food for the reception. My dad bought fried chicken while my mom && I prepared other things like monkey bread,sweet && sour meatballs,cocktail weiners,drinks && much more. Misty also tried getting me to use her cake topper which is NOT my style by any means cause I didn't have to DRAG my husband down the aisle he was willingly marrying me, Where are Misty had to wait 10 years && had a 7 year old daughter by her now husband an even then he said she wasn't marriage material && would NEVER marry her. Her cake topped was the one of the Bride dragging the Groom down the aisle. She also wanted me to use some coblets that were given to her in a gift basket && wanted me to use her cake cutter set! I wanted MY OWN!! She wanted to recycle her decorations for my wedding as well. Our colors were way different so there is no way in hell I could use her decorations. I made my own with things I found at the Dollar Tree an they turned out cute. My daddy bought me my cake cutter set,veil && tieara!! I had called Misty the same night my dad took me to Wal*Mart to get last minute items to see if she could bring somethings she had that I was willing to use she told me she had no gas in the truck but yet my dad found her at Wal*Mart! She is a lying ass BITCH!! She threw a Bridal Shower for her Best Friend at my house if you ask me that is pretty much rubbing it in my face so I am OVER her.

They spend their money everywhere BUT where it is SUPPOSE to be spent. So when they are low on food she comes over && says well I am not sure what we are going to do for dinner cause we have no money && no food. Hoping that we will give her food out of our pantry && freezer all because we get foodstamps! She gets pissed cause she can't get foodstamps well hello hunnie your husband makes $500 to $1000 a week depending on where he is working an the hours. That is why they can't get food stamps. I get them cause my husband only makes $233.98 a month since he is ONLY National Guard right now && my mom is disabled an get less then $700 a month we can't barely get things paid for an what not. Ugh that bitch just pisses me off!!!!!!!!!!!1
15 July 2010

An Explosion of Laundry

WOW I never knew exactly how much laundry let alone clothes that I have. I mean I have so many clothes that I can litteraly go 3 months with out washing clothes cause all I where at home is T-Shirt && Panties. I have jeans,shorts,skorts,skirt && capris out the whaaazoo. I enjoy buying cute clothes but HATE wearing them hahaha makes alot of sense doesn't it?!?!?! I have done about 6 loads of laundry && still have about 2 more to go of just clothes!!! Then I have sheets && blankets to wash that is about another 6 loads HOLY HELL!!! I am going to be up to my head in laundry!!!! :c))

A little more about me I am the youngest of 4! I have 2 half brothers somewhere in this world that my mom had. My mom gave them up for adoption right after birth. I know some would ask why have more kids if you already put 2 up for adoption?!?! Well this was in the 80s when enter racial dating was looked down upon big time && at that time my mom didn't have the means to raise them so for the best interest of the boys she gave them up for adoption. I have no clue where they are,I don't know their names let alone what they look like. Even if I wanted to try && locate them it would be hard to find them cause I know NOTHING about them. Plus I am not sure that my mom would want me to go out an find them.

I have been denied by my biological father my whole life!! From the time my mom concieved me to the time I was born she was told by the "Sperm Donor's" mother that there was NO WAY in hell that I was his kid because he got shot in the groon && was told that he couldn't have anymore kids. I know I have several half siblings that I know nothing about other then one. An well he is just like his father in && out of jail an prision his whole life. I have been told that the "Sperm Donor" had another son that I believe lived in Illinois && was killed in a hotel fire. I don't know much of my biological family other then on my mom's side which is fine by me cause like I said I was always denied as his child.

I have a step dad who even though my mom && him are now divorced he is my daddy he has had me since I was 10 months old!!! FYI any BOY can donate sperm but it takes a REAL MAN to be a daddy!! No I didn't get glitz && glamour as a child as some of the kids I went to school with did. I got clothes from Wal*Mart or Outlet Stores && shoes from Payless an Wal*Mart I was picked on alot in school because of the clothes I wore because my parents couldn't afford the Name Brand shit. I was always called fat && everything else in the book from Kindergarden up until I Graduate High School in May 2005. My mom && dad did the best they could raising my sister && me with what little money my dad made an brought in the home. My parents NEVER drove new cars that had all the works like many other kids parents did so I was also picked on about that especially in elementary school. I swear that elementary school was the worst years of my school years due to the fact that when I was in kindergarden I was of course short && I rode the school bus with my sister && our neighborhood friends well this black kid had his foot across the aisle so I couldn't get by && he wouldn't move it he told me to step over it! When I tried my short little legs didn't make it I ended up stepping on his leg so in turn he slapped me in the middle of my back as hard as he could I flew down the aisle. My sister && Matt jumped on the boy && started beating the hell out of him it took my mom getting on the bus to get them off of him. Of course the bus driver did nothing to the black kid but wrote us all up && we got suspended off the bus an low an behold the bus driver was black go figure!!! My mom went to the school && the boys hand print was embetted in my back. I also had to deal with people talk shit about my mom cause she had grey hair an what not so people would tell me my mom was fat && old. The bus rides through out the years of being in elementary school were tramtizing or horrid. When my mom would come pick me up from the bus stop she would always have an after school snack for me && the little black kids on the bus would throw shit into our car trying to knock the stuff out of my mom's hands an again they never got in trouble. Middle school wasn't all that bad I had several people tell me how fat && ugly I was an what not but not as bad as when I was in elementary school. High School I had several arguements && fights with who else the black people all because I was white,fat,ugly && whatever other reason they gave to jump in my shit. I got to the point to where I would stand up for myself && not fear what was going to happen an well alot of the bastards left me alone. I just don't get some people && I may never know why they treated me the way they did but in the end God will get them for everything wrong they ever did to me or anyone else for that matter.

Just a Few of My Thoughts

Well I am not new to blogging by any means just new to the whole blogger thing. I figured I would start this account to have a place for my thoughts to go whether people read this && comment or not atleast its one less thing on my mind once I get all my thoughts out whether they are good,bad or ugly. I am only 23 years old but have been through alot in my short time here in this wonderful world. I have almost lost my mom several times which is something I wouldn't wish upon any child it is a hard thing to deal with. I have had many failed relationships in which I can thank my lucky stars for the lust I thought was love && the pain  of the abusive relationships I have been in coming to an end! Those things have helped turn me into the woman I am today. I am strong because at some point I have been weak. Through all the hard times I thought I would NEVER make it through I did && now I am a stronger person because of it. I really don't have trust in men because of my past. I was 17 when I lost my virginity not by my own free will either that was one of the hardest things I have endured. I have been engaged several times but they all failed but with out them failing I would have never met my husband. I was engaged at 18 && a Senior in High School but that came to an end do to cheating,I was engaged again at 20 but that came to an end when I was beat on && was verbally abused by my fiance at that times family. I then got out of that relationship an went right into another which I thought would have been my fairytale I was hoping for after chasing the guy for 8 years we FINALLY ended up together. Everything seemed so amazing but that didn't last long his family hated me,I was know as the physco,my boyfriend at the time was told he could do so much better then me an that he deserved so much more. His mom was a two faced bitch that I hated but dealt with her because I thought I loved her son && wanted to spend the rest of my life with him boy was I wrong && I am glad that it came to an end. Alot went on to make the 1 year && 8 month relationship come to an end he got verbally abusive && tried pushing me off on to my tattoo artist!! Seriously WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? You are suppose to love me but yet you tell me to go have sex with another man. Don't think the idea wasn't pondered upon because well my ex had a little dick && couldn't last more then 5 minutes in the sack sadly he was 21 years old. The final straw with that relationship was Christmas Eve 2008 when we had some friends over && he pushed me off onto his best friend telling me to go have sex with him an to show him what I was working with. After hearing the same shit over && over again for 5 hours or so I did end up going home on Christmas morning with his best friend due to the fact that I wasn't invited to the family functions with his family that morning && my family wasn't doing dinner or anything til that night. I brought his best friend home with me for Christmas with my family because the only family he had was his mom && she was working so I felt bad that he was going to spend the holiday alone. Last June almost July I found out that my ex had sent my nude && sexual pictures to a 17 year old boy not just body shots but from head to toe including my face. The little fucker  denied it then when he finally admitted to it he said he was mad && I was the easiest target known to man cause I have mental problems I suffer from depression,I am bipolar,suicidal && have unidentified personality disorders. I to found out that he is a closet case fag && I have pictures to prove it. I just do NOT get why I had to go through so much in such a short time but now I am living life && enjoying it with my husband even though we do have our problems but what relationship && marriage doesn't?!?!?

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