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30 August 2010

WoWzA

Wow it has been awhile since I last blogged been slacking on blogging along with alot of other things as well. Life has been crazy as usual doctors appointments for me,mom && the bestie. I have been trying to keep busy but that doesn't seem to be working at all. I am really wanting to get into doing Photography but its one hurdle after another. I am going to be doing my 2nd photo shoot later on this week hopefully fingers crossed && it is a maternity shoot. I am excited about doing it.

As for the going Active Duty ARMY Tony goes before the MMRB on the 12th of September so we are hoping they clear him fully to go Active. He has already signed his papers to break contract && well that is going to put us in the hole by $4375 cause he has to pay off the rest of his contract/bonus from 2006. That is all fine && dandy we will make it through that just as we have everything else that has been thrown our way in the past year! I still can't believe I have been married almost 9 months WOW where does the time go?? I miss Tony more then ever on some days. I have hit another low point with my mental state of mind but again I will overcome that I am just ready to hear baby I have orders. At the sametime I am so scared that the horrid "D" word of Deployment will end up in this equation && Tony is so worried that he isn't doing the right thing.


I have been so depressed && down the past few weeks some days are worse then others. I am off one of my meds cause I ran out && thought I had refills left I was wrong. But I don't want to rely on meds my whole life. I just openned up to a long time friend that I have been friends with since the 6th grade. She didn't judge which is wow a first! Most people judge me when I am trying to talk it all out. I have been having bad self esteem issues with my weight I keep going up in pants sizes && my face is so horriably broken out. I just feel so UGLY. I have dyed my hair an haven't taken any pictures to post my new look on my facebook cause I am ashamed of how I look. I have black heads galour && sores everywhere cause when I get pimples they never come to a head so they scab over :( I am really hating this I have tried so much to clear up my face.
That is it for now the bestie is on her way home from work now to figure out what is for dinner....

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