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15 July 2010

Just a Few of My Thoughts

Well I am not new to blogging by any means just new to the whole blogger thing. I figured I would start this account to have a place for my thoughts to go whether people read this && comment or not atleast its one less thing on my mind once I get all my thoughts out whether they are good,bad or ugly. I am only 23 years old but have been through alot in my short time here in this wonderful world. I have almost lost my mom several times which is something I wouldn't wish upon any child it is a hard thing to deal with. I have had many failed relationships in which I can thank my lucky stars for the lust I thought was love && the pain  of the abusive relationships I have been in coming to an end! Those things have helped turn me into the woman I am today. I am strong because at some point I have been weak. Through all the hard times I thought I would NEVER make it through I did && now I am a stronger person because of it. I really don't have trust in men because of my past. I was 17 when I lost my virginity not by my own free will either that was one of the hardest things I have endured. I have been engaged several times but they all failed but with out them failing I would have never met my husband. I was engaged at 18 && a Senior in High School but that came to an end do to cheating,I was engaged again at 20 but that came to an end when I was beat on && was verbally abused by my fiance at that times family. I then got out of that relationship an went right into another which I thought would have been my fairytale I was hoping for after chasing the guy for 8 years we FINALLY ended up together. Everything seemed so amazing but that didn't last long his family hated me,I was know as the physco,my boyfriend at the time was told he could do so much better then me an that he deserved so much more. His mom was a two faced bitch that I hated but dealt with her because I thought I loved her son && wanted to spend the rest of my life with him boy was I wrong && I am glad that it came to an end. Alot went on to make the 1 year && 8 month relationship come to an end he got verbally abusive && tried pushing me off on to my tattoo artist!! Seriously WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? You are suppose to love me but yet you tell me to go have sex with another man. Don't think the idea wasn't pondered upon because well my ex had a little dick && couldn't last more then 5 minutes in the sack sadly he was 21 years old. The final straw with that relationship was Christmas Eve 2008 when we had some friends over && he pushed me off onto his best friend telling me to go have sex with him an to show him what I was working with. After hearing the same shit over && over again for 5 hours or so I did end up going home on Christmas morning with his best friend due to the fact that I wasn't invited to the family functions with his family that morning && my family wasn't doing dinner or anything til that night. I brought his best friend home with me for Christmas with my family because the only family he had was his mom && she was working so I felt bad that he was going to spend the holiday alone. Last June almost July I found out that my ex had sent my nude && sexual pictures to a 17 year old boy not just body shots but from head to toe including my face. The little fucker  denied it then when he finally admitted to it he said he was mad && I was the easiest target known to man cause I have mental problems I suffer from depression,I am bipolar,suicidal && have unidentified personality disorders. I to found out that he is a closet case fag && I have pictures to prove it. I just do NOT get why I had to go through so much in such a short time but now I am living life && enjoying it with my husband even though we do have our problems but what relationship && marriage doesn't?!?!?

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