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14 January 2011

Will it EVER go RIGHT

Ugh here we go back where I was a month ago off my meds cold turkey && feeling like SHIT!! I really wish that somehow someway they ARMY would get their shit together so we are able to go Active Duty && have medical insurance. Everything revolves around money && money we don't have. I am suppose to take about 10 meds before bed,5 in the morning a few through out the day but can't afford $400 in cost for meds. I can't get Medicaid cause I am not pregnant && have no kids seriously I believe it is beyond bullshit the guidelines alot of the states have inorder for you to be able to qualify for Medicaid. They say aside from being pregnant an having kids you can get Medicaid if you are disabled,go figure I was denied even though mental illness is one of the hardest things to live with. I can't get local health through the place here in town they go on a sliding pay scale an well we have no money an we can't prove that! I called them the other day to see if they could help me an they said NO!!! I honestly do NOT even know why I bothered calling them because I have tried several times over the past 2 years to get help through them but they tell me I am not a crisis case so on an so forth. So I guess you have to have a gun to your head or something in this town to get help. I just don't know anymore :( Anthony has been home for a month && 5 days an he has been busting his ass looking for a job an has had a few interviews since being home but nothing ever turned into a job. I have a feeling alot of the reason why no one will touch him is because he is Military an they don't want to go through the whole hiring process an training then he have to deploy.
I am not sure of any other programs around here in our area that I could get help through I mean Anthony isn't a Veteran or any of that so that won't work out for me either. An while yes Wal*Mart has the $4 meds not alot of mine are on there an still average out to be a good deal of money that we again don't have. I believe if we didn't live with my parents we would not be able to make it. An while I try to remain positive it does NOT always work. I try so hard but don't get very far an I have tried not taking my meds but then my dad tells me I need them but yet won't help pay for them. I am just clueless right now an I know I am NOT the only one in need an there is always going to be someone out there who has it alot worse off then us but damn it this past year && a half has been emortal hell an we can't catch a break. Something HAS to give an SOON or I am going to loose my damn mind!!!

With being off all my meds I have an upset stomach an I want to throw up,certain smells make it worse && my jaw pops like crazy an headaches turn to migraines. I really HATE the fact that I am having to go through withdraws an it takes forever to get to where I don't get sick from not having my meds. I just...I really don't know anymore...


  1. Hey Love, I know this probably doesn't help much but positive thinking even thought I know it is hard sometimes.. I will say a prayer that things go your way soon..
    Lots of love

  2. Hey hunnie :) I am trying to stay positive,That you so much for being there for me when I need it most.


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