For those of you who have been following know that things here have been well INSANE to say the least. After 2 months I FINALLY was able to get seen by the Orthopedic after MAJOR runarounds with the doctors office and their insurance company. My knee is still getting swollen if I use it too much which also leads to pain, I have been dealing with my kneecap sliding out of place which in turn makes me loose balance an almost fall again. I don't need this at all, I have a knot by the joints where my knee bends the Orthopedic said it is more the likely scar tissue. Scar Tissue?! Which means something has probably torn in order to create scar tissue, I have to go to physical therapy for 4 weeks 3 times a week as well as get an MRI done. I was given my prescriptions for Physical Therapy and my MRI since this is a liability claim I have to jump through MORE hoops then I already have to get to where I am. I called the insurance company an of course get the caseworker's wonderful voice mail, I hung up an called back why would I leave a message for a woman who I am still almost FIVE weeks later waiting for her to return a phone call to me? Good thing I got the information I needed from her supervisor a few weeks ago, I called back an asked for her supervisor he told me he couldn't fully pull up my case that I had to talk to the woman over it that he would transfer me to her. I told him the same thing I was STILL waiting for her to return a call from 5 weeks ago, he told me he would walk across over to her office to make sure she answered the call. I get on the phone with her and was told oh just find a Physical Therapy place down where you are and a place of your choice for your MRI since I am in another state I can't help you with that. So I call the Radiology place I was told to go to, I was told by my Orthopedic I could NOT go anywhere else but there!!! I call to set up an appointment they tell me they have to call my primary doctor's office because they need the insurance companies information that the claim number wasn't enough. So here I sit waiting for Monday so I can call the Radiology place an see what they found out, I NEED to get this MRI done and soon!!! I called the Physical Therapy place and they had to call the insurance company, really you aren't going to get anywhere with them either I was told Friday we will call  you back by 2:30pm today welp that has come and gone with no phone call. I too will have to call them on Monday, which no one may or may not be in the offices of both places since we have a Tropical Storm threatening the wonderful Sunshine State. 

I am over the pain of trying to do NORMAL everyday activities like getting a shower,doing laundry,going to the store just walking in general. I also HATE that my knee is screwed up when it comes to the sexual side of things I am NOT one to just lay on my back I like different positions! With all this going on it is putting me off the road even longer which also means I won't be going back to the road :( that part kills me. By the time Physical Therapy and whatever else may come of this since I don't know the extent of the damage til I get my MRI done I don't know what lies ahead of  me. If I am able to drive rigs again I will HAPPY but also, that means having to come up with $800-$1,000 for a refresher course since I have been off the road almost 6 months. 

I really wish I would have just went back to the road after my mom's procedures like she told me to but STUPID me let my now ex, talk me into NOT going back because I was needed at home. I still kick myself in the ass over that whole situation but there is NOTHING that I can do about that now other then go on lessons learned! 

I am looking for work again around here locally where I live in hopes to be able to just work and go back to school. I am just worried that I will get a job an loose it due to the pain in my knee and also the "UNKNOWN" problem with my knee. I know they can't hold that against me if they know about the injury upon hire and I won't hide that I have a bad knee, my main concern I want to say is that I am worried my knee will give out an then it will also turn into a Workmen's Comp thing an that isn't fair to the company. That is the main reason I didn't just run back to the road when I got to the point of being able to walk and move somewhat normally. 

I am going to try and update this blog more often I know I have been slacking!!! I do have some reviews that I need to get up and working on from the wonderful people over at Erotic Toy Town I have the Colt Shower Shot Dong to review from there! I have several items from a bullet to flavored lubes right up to a Lelo G-Spot Dildo from Our Naughty Secrets! I am also doing onsite reviews over at Eden Fantasys so be sure to check me out over there as well!

Oh and don't let me forget that I also caved and made an account over on Tumblr you can checkout my posts over there HERE feel free to follow me :) 

I am impatiently waiting for my doctors office's insurance company to contact me about going to an Orthopedic Doctor for my knee. I mean its NOT my fault they didn't have a rug in front of their door so I slipped and fell on wet tile my first step in the door. Originally the office was trying to put everything on my insurance which I believe is WRONG on so MANY levels,its also NOT my insurance's fault that they failed to keep the floors dry. I mean don't get me wrong I understand pouring rain from a Tropical Storm will cause wet floors but you SHOULD make sure the floors are DRY! 

What would have happened if it was an older person like in their 70s or something who slipped and fell instead of me? I mean that could have been a worse outcome then mine since older people are frail and brittle!! While I wouldn't wish the pain or accident on anyone I am glad it did happen to me instead of someone who's bones would have broke! I called my doctors office several times throughout the week,I was told I would have ALL results back by the end of Monday I got nothing but told my hip X-Ray was the only one back an no damage was done to my hip! Congrats I could have told you that cause its my KNEE that is killing me. I called Tuesday to find out what was going on an the woman said she couldn't give me the results the doctor need to you can read about all that here Roll With The Punches! 

I heard nothing else Wednesday from the doctors when I called to find out what was going on they said I needed to come in their office on Thursday at 8:45am in order to get referred out to the Orthopedic Doctor. I said well I won't be able to make it at that hour as I won't have away there since I can't drive myself right now. I was then told well I will talk with the one handling all this to see what can be done. Again they tried putting off on my insurance which I had to tell them AGAIN that I may NOT have insurance come July 2nd. I was told we will call you back before the end of the day on Wednesday NEVER got a call back! Thursday came and I called again cause I can't sleep,drive,walk,clean,do my laundry,go to the bathroom or shower without pain!! To be honest out of that list I listed I have done the bathroom and shower thing as that is a MUST for me everyday but its a pain and hurts to get up and move around. Something isn't right inside my leg even though they say all that is in there is FLUID I think something more is wrong. I know how it feels when you knee cap slides out of place as I messed my left knee up in 6th grade. I have times where it feels like the bones that bend for you to walk are collapsing and I almost fall again! 

I was told on Thursday that I should be hearing from the doctors office's insurance company either Thursday or Friday well here it is Saturday and they still have NOT called me! I need to know what is going on with all this so I can make sure I am NOT damaging my leg more then it already has been. I NEED to know the outcome so I can know IF I will EVER be able to go back driving 18-wheelers cause well I miss the road!! I am over the pain pills and muscle relaxers I have to take in order to get some kind of sleep. Ice is no longer working I mean when I put ice on my knee I don't really feel the coldness ''/ 

You best believe though I WILL be calling FIRST thing Monday morning or maybe I will wait til the 3rd when I have an appointment with them! 

Yes I believe in the whole one BAD apple can ruin the whole bunch!! I mean seriously why get pissed or mad at how someone does a giveaway on their page!! It is THEIR page,THEIR business and THEIR money let them do the giveaway the way they want to. I mean every other page I have been on uses random.org or BINGO I mean a scavenger hunt was fun in school so what's wrong with doing one in adult life? Seriously the prize given away was NOT cheap and the lady giving away the prize gave away an extra to shut people up!! I mean the girl who was complaining wasn't even playing in the game!!! Then to bring it to my page just because I posted a Scentsy bar up in my auction? That bar was one I BOUGHT and did NOT like and the consultant I bought from didn't like the scent either so what better way to get rid of it then an auction. Please do NOT bring your DRAMA over something so petty to my page where I am trying to Support our Troops, I do NOT need bullshit like that on my page and the poor girl who was doing the giveaway did NOT need the bullshit either.

I swear to you people are so fucking dramatic over the smallest things you want something for NOTHING!! Yes we all LOVE items that we get for FREE or little to no cost. I mean if you don't like freebies then you are not from Earth hahaha but seriously don't drag DRAMA all over people's pages just because you did NOT win and that is another thing,I just don't get it why "LIKE" a page on Facebook to get something FREE and then because you did NOT win you "UNLIKE" the page? Its NOT cheap to run your own business whether you are selling bows,tutus,Scentsy,Sex Toys or hell anything for that matter I mean get a grip on things people!! Life will continue to move forward even if you choose not to just because you didn't win!!! You throw a fit get pissed about a "family" member winning the item when in all reality there is NO relation there not even marriage they were close friends for 5 years ONLINE so come on its not like she was told hey so you can win this is what you put!! It was on the damn page for pete sake that is why is was called a Scavenger Hunt!! You HAD to LOOK for the information I swear people can be so ignorant sometimes!!!!

This week has been a week from HELL

Monday was a doozie I ended up with NO sleep an at the Emergency Room with my mom thanks to lovely chest pains an since she has already had a heart attack as well as a stroke we can't take a chance with NOT going to the emergency room plus her arm was going numb.

I was there til almost 9pm && we got there at 11:30am so Valentine's Days was wow insane Anthony said he wanted to do something but got pissy cause I was at the hospital with my mom an the ass didn't even have anything planned cause we had NO money to do anything but I sold all my charms,bracelets && everything so I was going to HAVE money but he had no plans so how were we to do anything?

I come home to place my Scentsy order to be told NO we don't have the money!! I had the money it was MINE I earned it bought things with it an sold those things!! I told my friend Jenne I would order from her well I feel horrible I had to back out cause Anthony told me NO we got into a HUGE argument since he spent money $100 on a PSP when he was still in New Mexico without saying anything to me til a week or so after he bought it. I wanted to know what the difference was I mean we still have bills an debt out so I did NOT see any difference there.

Tuesday-Refer to the Blog prior to this one

Wednesday-I wake up puking my guts out ALL day long!! I was completely miserable an have NO clue why I got sick. I was sick all day yesterday too ate some solid foods after not eating for a day things stayed down which I was AMAZED at. Slept some yesterday but NOT much at all an have been up ALL night never went to sleep the icky feeling is starting to settle in again :( So I am dreading that God please let everything stay down!!

Today-I went to Anthony's Ex Wife's myspace page to see when the last time she was on since we have to have her SS number for these ARMY papers it appears that her an her crack headed husband has had twins how true this is I am NOT too sure. I mean she has pictures of her doing everything a mom to be would be doing at a baby shower an doubles over EVERYTHING. When she was with Anthony she faked pregnant along with miscarriages when they were married. If she did have kids I want to know WHY is it that the ones who do NOT deserve them can have them an pop them out like gum balls from a gum ball machine an the ones who long for that precious gift from Heaven can't have it or they have to jump through hoops && over hurdles to get it?!?!?

I am glad this week is coming to an END && a NEW one will be upon us soon!!!

Ugh here we go back where I was a month ago off my meds cold turkey && feeling like SHIT!! I really wish that somehow someway they ARMY would get their shit together so we are able to go Active Duty && have medical insurance. Everything revolves around money && money we don't have. I am suppose to take about 10 meds before bed,5 in the morning a few through out the day but can't afford $400 in cost for meds. I can't get Medicaid cause I am not pregnant && have no kids seriously I believe it is beyond bullshit the guidelines alot of the states have inorder for you to be able to qualify for Medicaid. They say aside from being pregnant an having kids you can get Medicaid if you are disabled,go figure I was denied even though mental illness is one of the hardest things to live with. I can't get local health through the place here in town they go on a sliding pay scale an well we have no money an we can't prove that! I called them the other day to see if they could help me an they said NO!!! I honestly do NOT even know why I bothered calling them because I have tried several times over the past 2 years to get help through them but they tell me I am not a crisis case so on an so forth. So I guess you have to have a gun to your head or something in this town to get help. I just don't know anymore :( Anthony has been home for a month && 5 days an he has been busting his ass looking for a job an has had a few interviews since being home but nothing ever turned into a job. I have a feeling alot of the reason why no one will touch him is because he is Military an they don't want to go through the whole hiring process an training then he have to deploy.

I am not sure of any other programs around here in our area that I could get help through I mean Anthony isn't a Veteran or any of that so that won't work out for me either. An while yes Wal*Mart has the $4 meds not alot of mine are on there an still average out to be a good deal of money that we again don't have. I believe if we didn't live with my parents we would not be able to make it. An while I try to remain positive it does NOT always work. I try so hard but don't get very far an I have tried not taking my meds but then my dad tells me I need them but yet won't help pay for them. I am just clueless right now an I know I am NOT the only one in need an there is always going to be someone out there who has it alot worse off then us but damn it this past year && a half has been emortal hell an we can't catch a break. Something HAS to give an SOON or I am going to loose my damn mind!!!

With being off all my meds I have an upset stomach an I want to throw up,certain smells make it worse && my jaw pops like crazy an headaches turn to migraines. I really HATE the fact that I am having to go through withdraws an it takes forever to get to where I don't get sick from not having my meds. I just...I really don't know anymore...